After last year’s conference I was decidedly deflated. It can be hard to hold on to your sense of self and identity when you are surrounded by so much awesome. And let’s face it sometimes you are surrounded by people who are far more successful and far more talented than yourself. Sometimes it is inspiring and sometimes it seems futile. And last year I felt a bit of both.
After four days away (with room service!) it can also be a bit of a shock to the system to be back to reality where I actually have to clean and cook and do all manner of menial tasks that let’s just say I can feel myself dragging my feet through. What I really loved about this year was how generous and friendly everyone was. And more than that, how relaxed I was about just going up and talking to whoever. I didn’t feel socially paralysed like I did through most of last year’s conference and I was able to just have fun. A whole lot of fun.
And I guess the blogging part can be hard too. This year it’s not because I’m deflated or because I feel insignificant. This year I took with me so much more of a sense of self and my own identity that I didn’t shrink in the presence of other people who’s blogs were bigger, or more poetic or more sought after or funnier or more purposeful. All the things about me and my blog are that way because that’s the way I made them. And I am proud of that. But it is because I think I poured so much into the speech. In some ways, I feel like everything I could ever want to say I injected in there. And really, what is left after that?
And I know that there is plenty left after that. But right now it feels like I emptied out my soul onto a page. It didn’t make me feel empty. It made me feel whole. But it did make me stationary. Not moving until I know what direction is the path I should take. Right now the words are holding me in place and they are saying just wait. Wait until you know even your bones are sure. Don’t move out of routine or memory or predictability or necessity. Just wait. Because just maybe it is time to take one of those great giant leaps of faith. And you can still wait, even when you are free falling.
Zoey, it was great to see this relaxed you. It suits you. Yes, it does.
You rock my socks, Zoey x
A lovely post Zoey, I look forward to being witness to your great giantleap of faith, but I have the patience to wait until you’re good and
ready to take that step.
Oops, I have accidentally posted twice! Don’t know how to delete it though. A lovely post Zoey, I look forward to being witness to your great giant leap of faith, but I have the patience to wait until you’re good and ready to take that step.
So lovely meeting you again Zoey x
So lovely to meet you Zoey. Yours is one of the very first blogs I followed and remains one that I always read.
And you are just as beautiful as your blog is <3
Also, I was away just one day, not even a night, and I feel like real life is ridiculous all of a sudden!
I’m pretty sure this blog’s middle name is poetic. Your gift with words that emit feelings is beautiful. I love reading your soulful posts. Hope the bones give you some more direction when time is right.
Sometimes, you’ve just got to wait and see what happens.
Well said, I totally just pretended everyone was already my friend and actually, the best thing, everyone was! I had the most awesome weekend, truly special and strangely I haven’t had the same come-down feeling as I did last year. I feel determined to continue friendships online that I cemented in real life and just get on with the radical act of blogging! PS we are looking especially HAWT in that photobooth pic!
I really, really like this post. I am in a similar mindset of needing to wait, not sure where to go just yet. Mine is stemming from the fear of making the worng decisions, but you’re in a great place and I love this.You really lit up every time I saw you. You were in your element Zoey, and you shone.
I believe that some of our best thoughts & plans come when we’re still and waiting. It’s a good place to be.
I really enjoyed hearing your speech on Friday. Your genuine commitment to our children was tangible in every word.
Life can show you massive rainbows if you stand still to look for them
Zoey – I got the same sense of this years being a whole lot more relaxed and accepting and easy.
There is always a post confernece anti-climax though
xx