Working Hard or Not at All

Posted on March 1, 2012 4 Comments


Work falls into my lap every now and again. Which is a pretty awesome thing right there. To receive things without having to seek them out. And I usually accept work eagerly. For a few reasons. I like it. It’s great to make my own money from time to time. And somewhere in the back of my mind I think I also like that Riley sees me doing work as well. I am happy to stay at home, and I am happy not to work. But I’m also glad that she aslo knows that I work outside the home sometimes. For some reason that’s important to me. I don’t know if it should be.

And the nature of freelance work is that it tends to be a flood or a drought. Or it is for me. There are periods where everything piles on top of one another and the house looks as messy as my brain feels. And there are other times when I do nothing and I get into the swing of routine and pottering and mess of the intentional child play kind.

When I am working I live for the pressure of the deadline. Always have. Deadlines are a good kind of stress to me. And when I’m not I revel in the fact that there are no deadlines.

The  best part of this is that when I am in a work phase I no longer feel guilty about it. Occasionally I feel sorry for my husband who walks into a house that looks like a bomb has hit it, knowing that he is incapable of relaxing until he (or I) tidies it up. But we are a team and he tolerates it pretty well. Occasionally I feel sorry for myself, knowing that the vast, vast majority of all the stuff I do get around to doing goes unnoticed because it’s hidden by the mask of children who make mess every 5 seconds.

But I don’t feel like the kidlets are missing out anymore. There are phases when I have all the time in the world. Time to bake bread in the morning, time to paint in the afternoon, time for every puzzle and time for every book. And then there are phases when I only have time to feed them, clothe them, clean them up and comfort them.

I suppose as they get used to the fluid nature of my work, so do I.

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Snatch

Posted on February 21, 2012 Leave a Comment


I’m flat out with work at the moment. I’m not complaining about that. These little spurts of work are paving my way to New York.

It’s a blur of preschool, work, cooking, work, desperately trying to tidy up, working, the washing – the never ending washing, work and the pile of dishes that seems to be breeding.

I stay up too late, get up too early (thank you adorable early birds) and drink too much coffee.

I snatch little moments along the way.

The squishy giggling until she is out of breath. Snatch.

The googy asking me if she used the right words when somebody laughed at her when she tripped at preschool. She did. Snatch.

Afternoon snuggles on the couch. Snatch.

A cheesy movie (or five) with a happy ending. Snatch

Breastfeeding in the quiet night. I am down to only feeding her a few times a night now. I only have about a week of breastfeeding her left.

Oh Snatch. Snatch. Snatch.

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Going Solo

Posted on January 18, 2011 5 Comments


I’ve done working in the office, I’ve done working at home, I’ve done working in the office and at home and I’ve even done two work from home jobs at once for a dizzying couple of months. But at the end of next week, I’ll no longer be working. Except for freelance. Because multiple irons in the fire is my thing. Which has the benefit of having about two months to get myself organised for the jellybean and spend my very last alone time with the Googy. Which is a very good thing. I’ve got skirting boards to paint, cupboards to clean out, a baby blanket to crochet and a whole heap of shopping to do. I know, it sucks to be me.

I can’t help but feel that I’m losing a very good excuse for the house looking like a disaster zone. Before I could always say, ‘dude! I work and look after a toddler’ and that was usually enough to silence any discussion about my rampant undomesticness. I guess I’ll have to work on a new excuse now. Better put that at the top of my to do list.

But before I do that. I think I’ll embrace at least a couple of weeks of pure slothdom. Because I have a feeling that with a baby on the way, my days of even occasional slothlike behaviour are well and truly behind me.

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Herself

Posted on October 27, 2010 Leave a Comment


You’ve got to love 48 hour bugs. Because the during might be bad but at the end of the day it’s all over rather quickly. When a certain cheeky toddler woke at 9pm last night and was buzzing around the lounge room, mercilessly stealing all of her dad’s dinner like a seagull and generally being a chatterbox I was pretty sure the worst was over. And then this morning she was well and truly herself. No more snuggling on laps – far too busy with washing, puddles, jumping and toy kitchens for such shenanigans.

And I feel like I’m making my way back to myself too. Slowly, but surely. In fact the sheer weight that’s being lifted off my shoulders in a matter of days means I’m highly likely to become ill over the weekend. My body works like that. It will allow me to push and push and push and then once I’ve finally relaxed it will collapse just a little bit. Now that I’m thinking about it though, the fact that I think of me and my body as two separate entities is probably cause for concern. But then I’m odd, so hardly news.

And really having her on my lap for a day was hardly a hardship.

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Just About Half Way

Posted on October 2, 2010 2 Comments


I’m just about half way through my incredibly hectic two month stint of juggling two part-time jobs, a toddler and a house. I don’t do the house bit that well at the moment although i do just enough that it doesn’t become completely out of hand. But it’s never really tidy either.

I’d love to be able to say something incredibly insightful about being a work at home mother. But the truth is that I’m just about all out of insight for now. The only alone time I seem to have is in the shower. It’s also the one time that I can actually hear myself think. I make lists in the shower. To do lists, mostly. It’s a good thing. Because after being afraid at around 18-20 months that Riley would never start talking I find myself in the company of an unbridled chatterbox. And that is lovely. She talks to me. She talks to herself. She talks to her toys. She names things. She role plays with toys and I get to see what I seem like to her. It’s not always flattering. But sometimes it is. She counts. She makes up new numbers. She talks to the cat. And she says hello (mostly) to everyone who comes within shouting distance of her.

And through this frenetic 4 weeks she’s been a real little trooper. I know she needs more. More time. More activity. More stimulation. But I’ve accepted that this is a temporary situation and that’s ok. For now, I’ll distract myself by looking forward to my new floors due to be installed in a little over a week. And I’ll ignore the fact that I’ve got some last minute painting, furniture moving and ripping up of carpet/lino before that can even happen. I’m getting good at this head in the sand business.

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91/365 A Little Bit of Sunshine

Posted on September 18, 2010 Leave a Comment


With all of the busyness around here lately, I have to admit we’ve been a bit like shut ins. Probably because I still haven’t gotten it together to get a padlock for that gate that my sprouting toddler can now open all on her own. But Friday afternoon and a 6 hour power outage on my server (blocking all email. ALL EMAIL) was the perfect excuse to take advantage of the backyard. I know. it’s sad that I need an excuse. I should really just take the computer out there and work while she runs around sometimes. But stress is not exactly the mother of creativity.

Needless to say, the munchkin was very keen. And happily took her paintbrush and bucket of water to paint the cubby house. And the moon was out. And there were a few planes flying over. Riley heaven. And just desserts after putting up with Zoey ‘I just need to work a little bit longer’ Martin.

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Discoveries of Necessity

Posted on September 8, 2010 4 Comments


This week in adventures of supermumhood and/or madness a few things have become apparent.

I much prefer having my computer and desk in the bedroom. Not because I particularly like having the computer in there, but because it has a nice big window. And there’s something about being able to look out a window to sunlight and trees and sky that makes everything so much better.

Attempting to keep a toddler entertained while I work full days is hard. Particularly when she can’t have any of her usual toys, run around the house like normal, go outside (because I’ve got to get a padlock for that gate that she’s now quite adept at opening), or even watch TV.

But surprisingly, not as hard as you’d think. She can entertain herself for periods of time, without the TV and sometimes when nothing else will do she’s quite happy to bounce up and down next to the computer.

I miss my laptop. But for now, I’m probably better off without it.

Toddler naps are rare, but oh so good.

And then, last night when my tuckered out little baby/toddler went to give me a cuddle good night and fell asleep right there with her hand around my neck I nearly died of happiness. And I didn’t put her to bed for ages, I just sat there with her on the couch, feeling her breath against my chest, thinking that I loved her so much my heart just breaks with the weight of it every now and then.

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The Big News

Posted on September 6, 2010 15 Comments


So, it’s officially official.

I’m now on the team over at Kidspot. Which is awesome, because I’m finally making a career out of being a chatterbox. So, what will I be doing – I’ll be tweeting up a storm over at KidspotSocial, being part of the community, and generally helping out where I can.

As you may have noticed, I already have a job. One that I finish in two months. So yes, I’ll be working two part-time jobs for the next little while. Which means I might be occasionally a little scarce around these parts, but not to worry – I’ll be back, I promise. And it’s probably more likely that I’ll be blogging in the wee hours of the morning, rather than actually being scarce. So those are your options, scarce or being a little tired and vaguely uninteresting. But I’m sure that my excitement will trump the extra (and temporary) hours.

And speaking of being scarce, it’s about that time, because tomorrow I’ve got to take Riley to swimming, work around a painter who will be painting the computer room/play room all without my laptop. Yes, tomorrow I will become some kind of working mum superhero. Reasonable, yes?

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Words Out of My Mouth

Posted on August 25, 2010 9 Comments

Every now and then you hear yourself, as if you are watching from the corner.

Sometimes it’s just the nature of having a toddler around. Things like, “get your hands out of the rubbish bin”, just roll off the tongue. As does “don’t strangle the cat”.

And then there are other things, that you really just hate coming out of your own mouth.

“I’m too busy, baby.”

“I’ve got to do some work, but you can play outside if you want.”

“I just have to finish this.”

“I’ve got to get this done.”

All things that are necessary when squeezing in work from home. But I don’t like it any better, no matter what the reason is. And even now that I’ve only got two months of work until I finish up for good, I still can’t rationalise it into being a good thing. It feels like putting life on hold until I can unchain myself from the computer.

The price I pay for being against childcare, I suppose. And although she’s getting closer to an age where I’ll be considering preschool and much more comfortable with childcare for half-days and things like that, I know that right now, she’s nowhere near ready.

So I’ll have to just hate my own words for a little while longer.

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On the Horizon

Posted on June 7, 2010 5 Comments

a view of the local beach from the bridge
Sometimes I chain of events happen that give you that extra burst of joy. The redesign was one of them. It’s like moving furniture at home. Everything is the same but different and just a little bit new and shiny. It feeds my gypsy soul.

Another one was having a shower with my beautiful little one the other day, she turned her face up to me eyes closed, enjoying the water and then pointed at the foam letter ‘M’ on the shower screen and said ‘M!’ That feeds my geek.

Then today, on returning from my Dora free day in the city, I received the best greeting possible with lots of cuddles and kisses, face stroking and ‘mummy’, ‘mummy!’ That feeds my spirit.

And all of a sudden I’m not tired, or drained or negative. All of a sudden the horizon and what happens next looks bright and promising. It will make tomorrow, when I have tantrums to deal with (mostly not mine), work to complete, chores to do and the never ending chant ‘mine! mine! mine! to ignore, I’ll be able to do it with joy.

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