The Easy Baby and the Spirited Toddler

Posted on June 23, 2011 10 Comments


I have an easy baby. There, I said it. She goes to sleep easily and without my help. Sure she has an unsettled period in the afternoon but I pop her in the sling and she goes to sleep. Last night she had trouble getting to sleep probably because she’s got a bit of my cold but I took her into bed with me and she happily went to sleep. She doesn’t need to be held all the time. She hangs out in the bouncer or on her mat or in the swing and when she starts getting upset it means she’s ready for bed. She’s so easy. It might not always be that way, but for now that’s how it is.

Riley is not easy. She pushes against every single boundary. She asks a million questions every day. She has meltdowns whenever something happens that is outside her expectation and she’s rigid in those expectations. The last few weeks she’s starting trying on her whining to see how that fits. She looks at herself in the mirror while she has a tantrum as if it was all part of some grand experiment. She’s starting to give me attitude about every single thing.

Two things happen in this scenario. One is that Piper is so easy, it’s also easy to focus on Riley. Hello, squeaky wheel. The second is that it’s also easy to lose some of my connectedness to Riley because everything is a battle, all the time. Both of these scenarios I choose to guard against.

I choose to cuddle my toddler more, find the delight in how she is such a force of nature and help to manager her emotions when she loses the ability. But I worry about her recent fixation with ‘doing things wrong’ and how upset she becomes if either she or someone else ‘does it wrong’ and her inability to let it go.

I choose to snuggle my baby too. Even when she would probably be just as content on the floor. I practise memorising all her little (and big) expressions because I know how fleeting babydom is. And when I’m in bed, coughing up a lung, I’m comforted by her head on my chest.

And all I can hope is that in the end, I am the person they needed me to be.

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Grateful For . . . No More Questions

Posted on June 11, 2011 13 Comments

This week I’m grateful for a respite in the question asking. I haven’t been feeling all that well. Nothing major. But my throat hurts and my head hurts and I get mighty groggy in the afternoons. My 3pm coffee has turned into at least two 3pm coffees.

I’ve finally figured out that my big girl is not quite as obsessive about question-asking as I might have thought. It’s just the only way she knows to keep talking. And she loves talking. So I’ve been looking at other ways to have conversations with her that aren’t punctuated so heavily with ‘but why?!’.

There have been questions, plenty of them. And really, I don’t mind questions and I do want to encourage them. But the questions that she knows the answer to and continually asks anyway? Well those sort of questions are enough to drive a woman to drink.

And this week, we’ve made a bit of a game of it. I say ‘no more questions’ really fast and that seems more amusing than asking more questions. And slowly, she’s getting the idea of talking about things if she wants to keep talking rather than just asking more questions.

It might seem like a small thing, but anyone who is with a toddler 24/7 and has to cope with incessant questions will agree that it is just as effective as any enhanced interrogation technique.

Check out what everyone is grateful for here.

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Second. The Easy and The Hard

Posted on April 19, 2011 10 Comments

Some things are easier second time around. Like breastfeeding. Nothing screams success like not taking a baby off your breast to find your own blood pouring out of her mouth. I know. I’ve set the yardstick incredibly low. Other things aren’t easier, they just seem easier. Because I’m not counting the hours between feeds, or how many hours she’s sleeping or worrying about the fact that it is impossible to get her to sleep except by feeding her to sleep.

Some things are harder. Like being acutely aware of how fast time is flying by. How I have to say no to Riley when she wants to sit on my lap because I’m feeding. How even a King size bed can seem small when you’ve got four people in it. Or no longer having the luxury of day naps. Or seeing just how hard my first baby is trying with everything, sometimes in the face of less than patient parents. The last part might have led me on some mama guilt adventures.

But mostly, as I breathe in the every last bit of that new baby smell as I snuggle in bed with Piper or kiss Riley’s squishy cheeks when she sits on my lap, I just feel lucky.

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Cheekiness

Posted on March 12, 2011 8 Comments

 

This week I’m grateful for cheekiness. Toddler shaped cheekiness. Coming towards the end of pregnancy I’m a little short on patience. And by a little bit short I mean I’m starting to run into the negative as far as patience is concerned. So having a steady supply of toddler belly laughs, silly jokes and big cheesy grins are just the ticket.

I’ve started to appreciate this time a little more now that I’ve only got a few more weeks to go with this pregnancy. Spending time with just the two of us. Watching her sleep sometimes on the couch. Popping my head in to her room when she’s resting to look at her beautiful face. Welcoming her into bed in the morning for a cuddle as she barrels into the room – already firing on all cylinders. My little firecracker.

Head over to Maxabella Loves to find out what everyone is grateful for this week.

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The Baby Stage

Posted on March 10, 2011 24 Comments

Plenty of people don’t like the baby stage. There’s all kinds of things not to like. The sleep deprivation that causes you to at times be a barely functioning human, hardly even capable of holding an intelligent conversation, or faking one. Then there’s the challenge of even getting out of the house, or showering uninterrupted (or even alone) or trying to comfort them when they just seem inconsolable. Baby’s needs can seem never-ending and they can’t talk to you, so you’re left to struggle on the best you can. Well they communicate just fine, but crying isn’t always the most definitive of mechanisms.

But I love the baby stage. Because it’s simple. It might be hard and even gruelling at times, particularly as far as sleep goes. But you don’t have to worry about discipline or boundaries or an opportunity for teaching or anything else that becomes increasingly necessary as they start to become little people. And let’s face it, once you have a toddler running around the place, the benefit of a baby that doesn’t move at all start to become very obvious.

I’m quite happy to hang on to my babies for as long as possible (including my toddler-sized baby). It’s only a matter of time before she starts pre-school. Although I can see she’s pretty close to being ready, the lure of time to myself is well overshadowed by the unbridled panic of seeing my baby take those first steps away from me and on her own. The fact that there will be times when she will want me to comfort a hurt (physical or emotional) and I won’t be there makes me feel ill. Very ill.

I won’t be rushing the jellybean through their baby stage either. I’m not in a hurry to return to things in my pre-baby life. Not that I didn’t love all of those things or that I don’t occasionally miss a bit of freedom here or there. But I like that my life has changed. That it’s different. That there’s something beyond myself in it. Which is probably why I’m the person who would be quite happy to have lots of babies. And while husband has back-pedalled to 3, I’m sticking with 5. I’m sure this won’t cause any conflict in the future.

Feel free to remind me of this when I’m at the end of my rope at 3am in the morning and the baby won’t go to sleep. It’s only fair.

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Pinch Me

Posted on February 22, 2011 5 Comments

Who is that? I barely recognise her. Every once in a while there’s just a giant leap forward and that was this week. It’s not just the vocabulary explosion or how much more she understands, although that’s part of it. Mostly, it’s just seeing her become her own person.

On the weekend I was madly crocheting the baby blanket in the hope that it will actually get done in time. The munchkin was playing with the wool and I asked her for one of the colours so I could keep going with what I was doing. Her response? Predictably was ‘No. I need it’ I’m not exactly sure what her masterplan was for the wool but repeated requests did not yield it to me. Nor did asking her what exactly the nature of her need was. I was set to let it go because I knew in about 10 minutes she would be on to some other thing that she ‘needed’ and I could reclaim the wool.

But, finally by way of explanation she pointed to the blanket and said ‘that’s my blanket?’ and I began to have an inkling. I let her know that no, it wasn’t her blanket it was for the baby but that I had made her a blanket when she was a baby and would she like it. To say that she was effusive when she had the blanket in her hot little hands would be an understatement.  {Photo above taken of her wielding her baby blanket in victory}

‘Oh thank you, mummy’

‘You’re welcome, baby’

‘I’m sorry, mummy’

‘What are you sorry for?’

‘I’m sorry I was grumpy, I didn’t mean it’

I don’t know why, but that more than anything else that has happened lately made how much she’s grown up so stark. The baby moves often now and it reminds me of how it wasn’t that long ago that she was wriggling around in there and now she stands there, holding a conversation. We actually grew a human – a bubbly, talkative, giggly, challenging, affectionate, bossy, demanding, independent, charming creature who I get to spend most of my time with. Why do I get the feeling that your children break your heart a little bit at a time the older they get? And something tells me it’s not just the pregnant hormones talking.

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144/365 Sleep Deprivation Training

Posted on February 17, 2011 10 Comments


I’m in training. Apparently. In preparation for coping with newborn and baby sleep deprivation, the toddler has decided that the best thing to do is prepare me for it by reverting into a non-sleeping, hyperactive version of herself. Very considerate.

But really, pointing the finger at her isn’t doing me any good. I’m the genius who decided to move her into a new room and a new bed a mere 6 weeks before I’m due. She still doesn’t have much interest in sleeping in her big bed. But eventually, she will be literally incapable of sleeping in the little bed. So I imagine I’ll get her out of the toddler bed when she’s 5 or so.

I’m doing the only thing I can. Finding new and creative ways of running her ragged during the day all while attempting to remain completely stationary myself. It’s an art form.

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Five Things You Won’t Think You’ll Miss

Posted on February 16, 2011 20 Comments

This is part of the 31 Days to Build a Better Blog Challenge over on Aussie Mummy Bloggers. Today’s taks is to write a list post. The last time I did this challenge, this is what I came up with – 10 Things I Didn’t Read in What To Expect. And since then I’ve definitely gotten very list happy with – 7 Ways Parenthood Made Me a Hypocrite, 5 Battle Strategies for Winning the War on Perfectionism and 10 Things I Won’t Discipline.

Excuse me while I get highly sentimental for a moment. Blame the pregnancy hormones if you like, but we all know that deep down, pregnancy hormones or no pregnancy hormones I’m just a big sap.

1. Going to Sleep on Their Own

I remember lusting after this milestone with a one-pointed passion. When Riley was a baby I remember thinking that there where times when she may never sleep again, let alone go to sleep. And as a toddler, she’s better at it but it’s always a bit hit and miss. Sometimes she needs some extra help or just can’t seem to relax enough at the end of the day.

And the fact is, that last night when I put her into bed with a book to help her wind down and then heard her calling out about half an hour later I figured I was in for more of the same. But when I went in and she asked me to turn off the lamp and close the door behind me, well let’s say I had mixed emotions. I barely had time to see her roll over and her sleepy eyes close as I left the room. Of course, I’m proud of her growing up into being the little person that she is. But a big part of me still misses the baby who needed me a whole lot more.

2. Sleeping Through the Night

And even sleeping through. Yes, I was over the moon to leave my sleep-deprived, semi-comatose self behind when Riley started to reliably sleep through. Which wasn’t really reliable until she was about 2 or so. I know that’s a whole lot of semi-coma. But still, there’s a part of me that while enjoying getting solid, undisturbed sleep, still misses my nighttime snuggles.

3. Carrying Them Around Everywhere

Walking is somewhat overrated. When you are carrying around an increasingly heavy baby who will often develop an inexplicable aversion to a pram, it’s easy to dream of how much easier everything will be when they can walk. Except that toddlers walking highly resemble cats. They’re incapable of walking in a straight line, loiter at thresholds and in general have trouble committing to a chosen course of action. But besides all of that, I just miss carrying my baby around. Yes, it’s exciting to see her toddling about exploring everything for herself, but I’m secretly very pleased when she wants to be carried, even with all my extra pregnancy weight at the moment.

4. Speaking Properly

I’m a language geek so you’d think the whole speaking properly thing would be well up my alley, and it is. Mostly. I love hearing new words and new sentences (even the sentences that make no sense like ‘I can’t go to bed, it is too sparkly’). But certain words are just so lovely for being mispronounced. So I was quite devastated when chocolate went from cho-late to choc-late. When she loses her lisp I will probably cry.

5. Falling Asleep on You

I know. It’s another sleep one. I might be cuddle obsessed. And although at the time being pinned underneath a resting baby, unable to move for fear of waking them may seem inconvenient or downright annoying. I mean, what’s the point of them napping, if you can’t actually do something? And by do something I mean make it over to your chocolate stash in the kitchen.  But now that Riley naps less and often won’t nap at all, the whole falling asleep on my lap is increasingly rare. But the heavy head of a completely blissed out munchkin on my chest is definitely something I miss.

Unrelated Tagline Update from Yesterday

And the results of the tagline vote are in!

Imperfect Parenting. A Blog in Words and Pictures (22%)

Parenting Uncut. A Blog in Words and Pictures (13%)

Parenting tales from a reformed perfectionist (30%)

Parenting. Whimsy. TMI. Photos in Bulk. (35%)

And there was one brilliant suggestion that I use all of them and rotate them. So tempting!

Thank you so much for everyone’s comments and feedback – it was so fantastic to have such a big response.

But what I think will happen is that I will somehow moosh number 1 and number 4 together. I agree that number 4 doesn’t flow as well and while I understand the need to shorten ‘too much information’ to ‘tmi’ for conciseness, I have an aversion to not using full words. And although ‘parenting tales from a reformed perfectionist’ was highly popular I’m going to go all blog dictator on you and veto it because it just doesn’t sing to me.

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140/365 The Cup

Posted on February 10, 2011 Leave a Comment


Toddlers are often rigid creatures of habit. Everything always in the same order, done in the same way. And it can take a whole lot to change something. Which is probably why I lean to the change resistant as well as far as the toddler is concerned because I know how much work it entails.

Except, sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes they take a leap forward in their growing up and something just changes. So last night mid bout of hyperactivity when it was bed time I was very surprised. She didn’t ask for a bottle – she asked for milk in a cup. She didn’t ask for the lamp on in her room. All she did was roll over snuggle up to the doona and went to sleep. Just like that.

I would be over the moon if I wasn’t so distracted by how grown up she is.

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The Easy Pregnancy

Posted on February 2, 2011 16 Comments


In case you haven’t guessed I’m being just a teensy bit sarcastic with the use of my word ‘easy’. But the truth is, it has been relatively easy. Apart from a few horrid weeks of morning sickness, I’ve basically been sailing along quite happily.

And so it’s somewhat surprising, that I found myself sobbing on the floor in Riley’s bedroom last night waiting for her to go to sleep. And just in case you are wondering, this is not a parenting to sleep method that I recommend. I don’t think it was entirely helpful.

But in case you haven’t noticed there is a heatwave going on. Which seems like a small thing really. A bit of discomfort. Have a cold shower. Suck on some ice. It can only last for so long. Which is all very true. But I am not a good coper when it comes to heat. At the end of last week in the space of 48 hours I’d managed maybe 3 hours sleep. An early preview of sleep deprivation? Quite possibly. But I’m not keen. Thankfully we had a bit of a break over the weekend but unfortunately we’re back to it again this week.

The problem isn’t me not being able to sleep. I’m quite happy sleeping on the couch parked in front of the air conditioner. Even if that air conditioner isn’t set to ice cold because I think Riley might have thrown away the remote so it’s set to whatever it was last. Maybe 25 degrees or something? How I miss you 16 degrees. Our house has no insulation so you kind of have to set the air conditioner to blast for it to make a difference. No, the problem is that Riley has a sixth sense as to when I’m awake and then she’ll get up and decide it’s awake time. Which means no sleep on the couch for me, not until she finally collapses from sheer exhaustion.

So it looks like this pregnancy has just become a little bit less easy. Especially once you add in exorcist toddler tantrums into the exhaustion mix.

Fast forward to last night where I know I’m being all pregnant and hormonal and ridiculous and I can’t help it anyway. I just want to crawl into a hole and cry. Preferably a freezer hole. But I settled for a floor instead. A hot, carpeted floor.

I’d like to say that things have improved today, but it’s 30 degrees. I’ve been up since 1:30 in the morning. And to add insult to injury, this morning when I was rather testily explaining to Riley that hitting and stomping on me was not really acceptable behaviour, she misunderstood, started crying and said ‘don’t hit me mummy’. Hello, mother of the year. I’m awesome. Cue more hole lust, freezer not required.

Going on the weather forecast I can expect a break from this heat on Sunday at which point I hope that some of my sanity and sense of perspective just might return as well.

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