siblings

A Different Normal

Posted on September 13, 2012 9 Comments

She likes noise. She bops along to loud music. She checks out bright lights. A balloon could pop in her face and she wouldn’t react. Not even grimace. But close a door on her and she loses her mind. Even though she is obsessed with closing doors herself. She’s going through her mandatory toddler frustration/whinge period. I assume that it will pass as soon as she can talk more. Or as soon as she accepts that an hour of napping does not equal a well rested munchkin. It equals a crabby, shouty, whingey munchkin.

It’s a great marvel how different siblings are. Even though you know that they will be. They both have their own kinds of normal, which are completely different.

I took Riley to see Tinkerbell on the weekend and there were so many people and it was noisy. I found her pressing my hands against her ears, hard. She didn’t say anything, she just pressed. And all of her extroversion seemed like bravado and there was just my vulnerable baby left.

Together

Posted on June 13, 2012 2 Comments

They’ve started to rely on one another for company. Whenever Riley is asleep, Piper is crawling all over her. She slaps her affectionately on the back, probably in the hope that she will wake up. And whenever Piper goes to sleep, Riley moans on the couch ‘but I miss her!’ Doesn’t stop them fighting over ridiculous things during the day, but it is lovely.

The Upside of Absence

Posted on June 3, 2012 1 Comment

Piper misses Riley when she goes to school. She wanders around saying her name sometimes. But she doesn’t take the deprivation too hard. Because – the toys! Free to play with whatever she likes for as long as she likes. And somehow it makes the absence a little easier to bear.

Shadow

Posted on June 1, 2012 3 Comments

As they grow I think about what a big shadow Piper’s big sister will cast. Because of her exuberance, because she is a born leader, because she is passionate about everything, because she is so social and engaging and charming. And she was born that way.

And then I see Piper who is stubborn and calm and independent and self contained. And I wonder if she’ll be happy and safe in her big sister’s shadow or if she will try to find a way to step out from it. Of course it’s mostly guess work on my part at this stage. At 13 months it is just the beginning of her showing us her personality. But it seems to me she has a huge internal secret world that she only lets us see part of the time.

And then I see them together and how much they make one another shine in a way that’s just for them. And I think about how in the future I will really only just glimpse their relationship, just see the surface of it. It will be for them and be hidden from me.

Most likely they will be stepping in and out of one another’s shadows for the rest of their life. At least, that’s what I hope for.

Look Familiar?

Posted on May 14, 2012 4 Comments

A surprising amount of clothes survived through Riley’s babyhood. Some are even still white. A fact that amazes me since I always seem to forget the bib part of the feeding. So there’s a whole lot of Riley’s clothes that the Squishy is making her way through now. Because they were born in the same month, up until now the sizes have followed along pretty closely but now it’s getting cooler and Piper is still in 00s where Riley would have been in 0s at the same age so I anticipate some baby clothes buying in my future. What a shame. I’m devastated.

I’ve seen this skirt before

And really, possibly one of the most amazing things about sisters is that they are so different, right from the beginning and it just takes you awhile to notice.

Two Birthdays in April? Just Stupid.

Posted on May 1, 2012 10 Comments

I don’t know whose brilliant plan it was to have our two children born within two days of one another but for the record? I am not a fan. Two birthdays in April is just stupid. And two birthdays in three days? Freaking batshit crazy.

The irony is of course is I did plan for exactly the opposite thing to happen. We started trying to get pregnant with Piper so she would be born NOT IN APRIL and hopefully not with me being ginaormous in summer. But the universe mocked my plans and gave me the exact same due date. The only reason they weren’t born on the same day is that Piper was not quite as late as Riley. Riley was 13 days overdue and Piper was about 11 days.

Which left me with a party to plan for two children and two actual birthdays during the week I was planning the party. I think next year I’ll just take a break.

There were a few things I did learn though:

1. All of those fine details that I spent time on? They were for me. Not for the girls. The girls got very excited about balloons and cake. The mechanics of everything else and the final touches did not really phase them.

2. Cake pops are genius and I will do them next time.

3. Everything takes longer than you expect.

4. Never plan to make everything on the actual day. Freeze all baked goods in advance.

5. Buy a freezer chest for birthdays and Christmas. You won’t be sorry.

6. Don’t plan on having a third baby in April.

7. Given that planning a birth is impossible just hope really hard and wish on a few stars that you don’t have another April baby.

8. Or do, at this point you are already doing 2 in the one month. This way they’d all be out of the way for the year.

9. Sharing is really hard on birthdays. That’s why parents drink at kids parties.

10. Plan a lazy parent week afterwards. You deserve it and there will be cake pops in the freezer.

Someone Once Asked Me

Posted on April 30, 2012 10 Comments

Someone once asked me if I loved Piper more because she was easier.

It’s an interesting question. It would be easy to think that you would love the easier one more. Or that you just loved them as babies more, because babies are easier, or something like that.

But that’s the miraculous thing, you don’t.

Piper is an easy baby. She plays on her own easily. She might not sleep through the night but for the most part she goes to sleep easily and on her own. She’s not a fussy eater. And really the only form of frustration that I might experience with her on a daily basis is the fact that she can’t seem to keep her hands out of the bin. And she tries to eat out of it. So freaking gross.

Riley was not an easy baby. She wanted to be held most of the time. She breastfed for comfort alot. She rarely played alone. And she didn’t put herself to sleep until she was older than Piper is now. She was high needs. And now she’s pretty spirited and alot of the conventional ideas about discipline don’t work with her which I’m fine with because I probably wouldn’t use them anyway.

I love that Piper is such a little zen buddha and is so independent. I loved that Riley needed me so much and still does. I loved with Riley that I got to watch her fall asleep in my arms so many times. And with Piper on the very rare occasion that she does I really treasure it.

And the best part is watching how they look after one another. How Riley’s boundless exuberance distracts Piper from the worst of her teething or tiredness or crankiness. And how Piper’s calmness soothes Riley at her most anxious.

It is different, because they are different little people. But it all comes from the same place. I couldn’t love one more than the other because there is nothing more than infinity.

She’s My Sister

Posted on March 8, 2012 7 Comments

When my second baby was born, my first baby broke my heart every day.

She was just barely three, she was emotional, she was vulnerable, she was out of control, she was raw and she was trying so hard. Sometimes in those first two weeks it seemed she was just jumping from meltdown to meltdown with no discernible space in between. I ached for her. I could see that she was grieving our exclusive relationship and it hurt to watch her mourn in front of my eyes.

And I knew, even in the middle of it, that we weren’t as patient with her as we could have been. At the time we were trying to teach her about saying things in a polite way. Every now and then she would have an outburst of demand and we would remind her. After a particularly long day she was being especially rude and was again reminded. She asked ‘can you tell me the words?’ I wish the response that she got was what words to use, and eventually of course it was. But at the time it wasn’t and instantly I could see how very, very hard she was trying and how very hurt she was on her open, innocent face.

And somehow all of this co-existed with the unbridled joy of a new baby. I don’t know how, but it did. It’s something I think everyone worries about with their second child. Before she was born I couldn’t conceive of ever loving someone as much as I did my first. And then she was born and of course, I did. And I was able to appreciate it so much more second time around because I knew just how fleeting that newborn stage is, just how precious. I felt delight with her every movement and breath and I fell in love with her so easily and so hard in a way that sort of took me by surprise.

And then they tag teamed me. Riley returned to herself, almost miraculously after a few weeks. And more than that, she was more relaxed than she had been since before I had been pregnant, as if all along she had been holding on tightly to her anxiety and the reality was easier than she anticipated. She laughed, her great big belly laughs, she rubbed the baby’s head like she was a little buddha and she returned to her business of play. Colic set in for four weeks with Piper and I was so grateful that I had bonded with her so quickly, that I adored her so much, because I needed to.

But even in the thick of it, the important things stand out. Like bedtime snuggles in the morning, with the sunlight dancing through the doorway and big, outrageous baby smiles. Her big sister cuddling her fiercely, as though her life depended on it ‘I just love her so much’ and seeing my big girl’s face light up when we had our own snuggle time. And in a trifle of 4 weeks, the colic was gone and Piper had found her normal too. She was so happy. Ridiculously happy. All the time. And still is. That kind of joy is contagious. And it touches absolutely everything.

My first baby made me a mother. She gave birth to me. My second baby managed to do it all over again.And while I was too busy attending to them individually to even notice, they went and found their own relationship. One that I will be more and more excluded from as time goes on. But you can see just the beginning of it now. Just the other day Riley said to someone kicking their legs near Piper ‘Don’t hurt her. She’s my sister.’

256/365 Styled by Riley

Posted on November 12, 2011 3 Comments

At the moment Riley oscillates between random adoration with Piper to absolute irritation at her very presence. And Piper’s biggest crime seems to be looking at her sister. On any given day the most common thing I hear is ‘don’t look at me!’
In an attempt to quell the tide of apathy, I’ve started getting Riley to choose what to dress Piper in (when she wants to).

She chose everything in this outfit.

Pink long-sleeved body suit – Target
Pink stripy t-shirt – Target
Stripy pants – Pumpkin Patch

There was a hat but practicality won out over style. I mean it’s almost summer.

182/365 Find the Dinosaur

Posted on May 26, 2011 Leave a Comment

Also known as the most awesome game ever. In which you hide the dinosaur somewhere underneath your unsuspecting sister who is currently incapable of much movement and then pull up one arm, then another, then the legs, then maybe roll her over ‘just a little bit’ to find said dinosaur. Now, that’s entertaining.

Possibly the most interesting part about it was how delighted Piper seemed with the whole exercise. Just as well, I have a feeling there are plenty more games where that one came from.

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