The One Where the Chaos Manager Falters

Posted on October 3, 2011 13 Comments

Every now and then there is something in the air. Naomi vlogged it and Eden blogged it. And now, I in my own blathering way will say something about it.
It never ceases to amaze me just how much time it takes to keep a house in order with kids. I read an excerpt from one of those newspapers – you know the bit where cranky people write in and rant? I always think those people should just get a blog, already. But anyway, it was a person without children wondering how stay at home mothers could struggle to get everything done because childfree people go to work and do the dishes, washing, keep the house clean etc. Dubious argument I think because that time you are at work, is time you are not home making a mess. If I’ve cleaned the house the easiest way to keep it clean is to go out for the day.

It turns out it takes a lot of work. And although I like to have a relaxed attitude to housework and appearance. I don’t want to be one of those creepy people lining up hand towels like in Sleeping with the Enemy. But still, I like the house to look a certain way. I like to have things in their place. I like to feel on top of the vicious washing cycle.

I also like to have quality time playing with the kids. Not just how long do I have to play this game before I can go back to cleaning the house / writing a blog / wasting time on twitter. But actual time. Focused time.

And then I have a blog and there’s facebook and twitter and google plus and then there’s all the freelance work as well. And suddenly, I’m not doing anything well and I’m overwhelmed.

I wrote out a whole plan this morning about what I should be doing. The cruel universe caused me to lose that file when the computer ran out of battery power. I’m going to choose not to take that as a sign. But basically, that plan showed me how I don’t really have that much time, even with Riley in preschool. My days are pretty full with the work of a stay at home mother. And housework is a big part of that. I want to create a warm family environment, and that starts with housework.

Tonight I deleted 50% of the blogs I follow in my reader because it was overwhelming and I wasn’t reading anything because there was just too much. And I might blog a little bit less and be slightly less of a social media addict.

Because my life isn’t about being vaguely witty and amusingly ironic.Ok, it is a little bit. But more than anything, my role as a stay at home mother has to be the most important thing. I need to feel like I’m doing it well. Doing it well means I need my time, I need time out, but I also need to look after my nest.

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Words Out of My Mouth

Posted on August 25, 2010 9 Comments

Every now and then you hear yourself, as if you are watching from the corner.

Sometimes it’s just the nature of having a toddler around. Things like, “get your hands out of the rubbish bin”, just roll off the tongue. As does “don’t strangle the cat”.

And then there are other things, that you really just hate coming out of your own mouth.

“I’m too busy, baby.”

“I’ve got to do some work, but you can play outside if you want.”

“I just have to finish this.”

“I’ve got to get this done.”

All things that are necessary when squeezing in work from home. But I don’t like it any better, no matter what the reason is. And even now that I’ve only got two months of work until I finish up for good, I still can’t rationalise it into being a good thing. It feels like putting life on hold until I can unchain myself from the computer.

The price I pay for being against childcare, I suppose. And although she’s getting closer to an age where I’ll be considering preschool and much more comfortable with childcare for half-days and things like that, I know that right now, she’s nowhere near ready.

So I’ll have to just hate my own words for a little while longer.

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Guest Post @ Hobo Mama

Posted on August 24, 2010 Leave a Comment


I’m guest posting today at Hobo Mama. You can check it out here: Work, Identity and Staying at Home.

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36/365 – Distraction and Absence

Posted on July 8, 2010 13 Comments

The Industrious Little Lady
Sometimes things don’t go according to plan. Having work that is deadline oriented, rather than just based on number of hours is part of the problem. It’s difficult to have a plan. One day I could get all of my work done and on other days I’ll be on the computer all day. It’s good and it’s bad. On the one hand it usually means that if Riley is sick or teething I can have a flexible approach to work and catch up that night or the next day. And that is great. On the other hand, it makes it hard to have a routine, because some days I just have to work for most of the day. All in all, it’s a pretty good deal, and I’m definitely not complaining. The ability to work in PJs should not be underestimated.

But today, was one of those work days. And while I would have liked to have been off plotting our next adventure, I was working.

On those days, I have to get creative to distract Riley for long enough so I can get work done with minimal involvement from myself. And she’s not a child who’s overly fond of playing on her own. That’s an understatement. I don’t even think she has a concept of playing alone.

My solution is to be completely oblivious to the ongoing and consistent destruction of my home. Beads all over the floor? Fantastic! Drawing on the wall? I’m planning on painting it anyway. Emptying out all of the wipes in an attempt to clean up the mess of spilt water? Not really keen on the brand anyway. I think they’re giving her nappy rash. Using toy kitchen implements to eat peanut butter out of the jar? A minor detail.

You get the idea, it’s basically a complete abandonment of all parenting so long as she’s not putting herself in physical danger. AND the TV is on 24/7 – usually on some kind of Dora/Diego loop.

But before you nominate me for a neglectful mother of the year award. I do read her books whenever she asks, play the kissing game (which is awesome! and is basically just her kissing me 10 times in a row and making the ‘mwah’ sound) and cheer her on while she perfects her signature WWE moves on her kiddy couch. All is not lost.

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The Perfect Day

Posted on April 2, 2010 2 Comments


Once in a while we have a perfect day.

It’s not that I wasn’t working, because I was. Or that the rascal didn’t have her fair share of tantrums, because she did. But somehow, on same days, everything just seems to be happy and joyful.

She busied herself on her play-desk while I got some work done (thanks to the Kidspot Forum for this tip!)

I finally got my replacement lense from Canon. I have missed my portrait lense more than I could possibly say. Once you go 50mm f/1.8 you never go back. Unless you can afford the f/1.4 or f/1.2. And if you can, I’m jealous, very, very jealous.

We went shopping for easter eggs. It’s very possible that I over-shot on the amount of eggs we would need for the hunt. I envisage a few sugar-induced meltdowns in my future. And while we were there we saw the easter bunny. I wasn’t sure how she’d react. But in the presence of a giant-sized stuffed animal, she looked like she’d died and gone to heaven.

I’ve finally discovered the solution to my exercise problem too. Predictably, it was staring me in the face the whole time and only a freaking idiot wouldn’t have worked it out by now. I often don’t get time for exercise during nap time and can’t usually get anything done while she’s awake. Particularly in the afternoon, when she’s at her most fussy. Then it hit me. We have a trampoline. So we had a jump on that for half an hour. So obvious. Clearly, I am falling into the category of the educated idiot here (*phrase stolen from a dear friend – you know who you are*)

But details aside, when you take the time to enjoy it, watching her turn into a little person is pretty amazing.

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I Only Whisper

Posted on February 13, 2010 6 Comments

Before I even decided to get pregnant, I knew there was a choice I needed to make. There were so many things I wanted to do – like go back to University and become a forensic scientist, travel the world, climb mountains (not figuratively, actual mountains). But I knew that I wanted to be a mother, and all of those things could wait, but having chldren, that had a time limit on it. So I chose having children, and put everything else off until later.
And I am happy with that choice. I will always be happy with that choice. I can’t look at this face and not be over the moon.

Look at that. Eating rice and honey soy vegetables, and being wildly entertained by her Aunt, while I play paparazzi. She likes the veges, because it’s like a little treasure hunt, where she searches for baby corn and bamboo shoots.

But sometimes, after she’s gone to bed, when I have the space and time to be me, and not just a mother, I think of other things. Like how I long for travel, to see the redwoods of California, or the mountains in New Zealand, to explore everything. And now of course, I wouldn’t want to do anything without her. I would want to do all of those things with Josh and her, either on our backs, or walking slow and holding her chubby hand. But we are constrained by money, or lack of money, so it’s not something we could do right now. So sometimes, when it’s quiet, I mourn that.

Of course, she is our biggest adventure. So craving another adventure seems almost greedy. And yet, there it is, greedy or not. Sometimes my gypsy spirit just feels penned in, as though putting it off has only made it all the more stronger.

But then I remember her sloppy kisses, and her chubby arms around my neck, and the kind of life I want to create for her – and for us. And I remember, that she gave birth to me, not the other way around.

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Unleash the Control Freak

Posted on January 19, 2010 3 Comments


This year I want to get organised. And not just with the big stuff, with all the little details as well. But I suppose if I could get on top of the little stuff, the big stuff would follow. Control freakdom is creepy that way.

Now, my inner perfectionist may be dead, but my inner control freak never dies, she just lies (almost) dormant and often passes judgement on everything.My inner control freak is in league with my inner Virgo, who is often (and easily) enraged by the piles of washing, the undone dishes and the general lack of systems that make for a messy house and a messy mind.

While I wouldn’t necessarily want to live under their benevolent dictatorship, I think I could definitely benefit from at least a little control freakiness. The excuses challenges are these:

1) I live with a small hurricane of destruction (commonly known as a toddler) who rips into everything with a joyful abandon

2) I have too much going on (house painting, furniture re-organising, work, chores, toddler entertaining and sometimes I even have to take the time to feed myself so I should probably get on top of meal planning too – you do the math)

3) Anything resembling a rigid system doesn’t work because there are days when Riley literally needs me every waking minute (and some of the sleeping ones as well) and other days where she’s quite happy entertaining herself and will only grace me with her presence at meal times. And really isn’t that the whole idea of me being home in the first place? That on those days where she really needs some TLC I am there?

So you see? A little control freak would go along way. Only the control freak doesn’t do little, or flexible for that matter. She’s an all or nothing kind of girl. The Virgo totally gets her. The pragmatist in me thinks they’re both pretty delusional. But the control freak and the Virgo tend to think that the pragmatist has a standards problem.

The situation as it currently stands is: I have a few painted walls, and need a whole lot more if I ever want to get the floors done. I’ve made a good dent in my home office re-organisation and that just needs some fine tuning. House is clean, but in general disarray.

Before I had a few of the new demands I was able to do pretty much everything using the flylady system. I like the principle of it because it’s about developing good habits and doing things in 15 minute batches – which works great when you’ve got a little person to consider. But this was before home renovation and blogging. So I used to be able to spend a bit of time in the evening doing a few chores, whereas now I’m more likely to blog instead.

I’m great at budgeting. I think I should use the same system for my scheduling. So I’ll have to schedule in the non-negotiables: work, Riley and basic house cleaning and then figure out how much extra time that gives me for the other desperately needed but not absolutely necessary projects.

In an attempt to develop something resembling accountability one of my next posts will get specific about how I plan on doing this.

Control freak and Virgo are rubbing their hands with glee at the prospect and shooting death stares at the Pragmatist, who seems to look vaguely ill.

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Mothers’ Group Aftermath

Posted on November 30, -0001 Leave a Comment

I spend a good part of my week organising work, housework and cooking so I can be a lady of leisure on Thursdays (when I go to, or host mothers’ group) and not worry about anything else. Of course all this organising doesn’t seem to make any difference, I still end up working to get some last minute assignment in and usually end up running around at the end of the day to clean up some of the trail of toy vomit that Riley has left in her wake. All of this is worth it just to get us both out of the house once a week to converse with people whose eyes don’t glaze over when I talk about my day-to-day.
IMG_0581Recently with the little munchkins turning into toddlers and running around the place like mad things I have become acutely aware of how different is going to be once I have more than one baby. And how much I want to appreciate every moment with Riley now, because it will be the only time in my life that I have the luxury of only one child.

So with that in mind, after I’d raced around this afternoon cleaning up after the chaos that seven children can create – I put off making dinner and played with my little one outside. We had a great time, I’m not so sure about the cat though . . .

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Mothers’ Group Aftermath

Posted on November 30, -0001 Leave a Comment

I spend a good part of my week organising work, housework and cooking so I can be a lady of leisure on Thursdays (when I go to, or host mothers’ group) and not worry about anything else. Of course all this organising doesn’t seem to make any difference, I still end up working to get some last minute assignment in and usually end up running around at the end of the day to clean up some of the trail of toy vomit that Riley has left in her wake. All of this is worth it just to get us both out of the house once a week to converse with people whose eyes don’t glaze over when I talk about my day-to-day.
IMG_0581Recently with the little munchkins turning into toddlers and running around the place like mad things I have become acutely aware of how different is going to be once I have more than one baby. And how much I want to appreciate every moment with Riley now, because it will be the only time in my life that I have the luxury of only one child.

So with that in mind, after I’d raced around this afternoon cleaning up after the chaos that seven children can create – I put off making dinner and played with my little one outside. We had a great time, I’m not so sure about the cat though . . .

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