And then I realised that the pain into my hips when I pushed made me want to die. It’s probably because I tend to have dodgy hips and a twisted pelvis. I’m sure that didn’t help matters. Remember when I said I should have kept up with pregnancy yoga? Well I regretted that decision when I was pushing. I have no idea if it would have helped or not but it certainly wouldn’t have hurt.
The pain was so overwhelming that I actually didn’t want to push. And we landed in an inbetween limbo. I knew that I had to push but the hip pain was so blinding I just couldn’t bring myself to inflict it on myself. The midwife, the voice of reason had me keep moving positions until eventually I found one that was bearable, on my side – being braced by my husband across the arms and the legs by my midwife.
I couldn’t feel like I was making any progress and was convinced that I couldn’t do it. But Josh and the midwife kept telling me that I was making progress. They told me to stop screaming to conserve my energy which I was suprised that I could actually do and mentally it made me feel more in control as well. In some ways pushing wasn’t as hard as waiting in between contractions. So much so that towards the end I think that I was so desperate to have her out I pushed without a contraction because I just couldn’t wait any longer.
And then she was there. My perfect little baby. Born in the way that I had wanted. I was in a whole lot of shock that I had actually done it. I couldn’t quite wrap my head around that. And I also remember thinking I would never be able to do it again.
We waited nervously while they aspirated her and luckily she didn’t have to go to the NICU. She was little and they told me if she was under 2.5kgs they would have to take her to the nursery. So I sat there willing her to be bigger than 2.5kgs and was so relieved that she weighed in at 2.8.
I had torn during the birth so they began to sew me up. I was probably hopped up on hormones because it was weird and awkward but it wasn’t painful. But it did take a long time. And it was the length of time that had me a bit worried because I could tell it was going to take awhile to heal.
But that was a side note to the birth of the beautiful Piper. She was a voracious, enthusiastic eater from the moment she was born and the midwives laughed saying there was a baby who knew exactly what she was doing.
And once she was here I was so completely happy, so completely content, far more than any happy hormones could ever have made me.