Every now and then I read something awesome about a mother reclaiming herself from the expectations of motherhood and pursuing her dreams and I am surprised that I don’t feel the same way.
I read about the lack of mental stimulation, the mind numbing domesticity and all the things that you just put on the back burner until you have a teeny bit of space left to even think about getting to it. And it’s all true. I don’t tend to have overly intellectually stimulating conversations with the children. They have extremely short attention spans. Having to tidy up the same patch of living area one million times a day is boring as all hell. And there are all kinds of things I put off because making babies is time limited and other things are far less so.
But frankly, I never expected to stay home. I expected to go back to work. And I didn’t really expect to like it either. Let’s be clear I don’t like tidying up or washing the dishes five million times a day or changing toddler nappies (baby nappies aren’t so bad. Toddler nappies are on a new level) or being asked ‘But why?!’ 570 times per day. Or having to be patient through yet another meltdown for no good reason at all.
But somehow I do like it and I don’t want to go back to work or go back to study. Admittedly I kind of live in the worst of both worlds territory where I do work from home. And when I think about being able to work in an office without the kids pulling at me, or yelling at me or asking me for food I do get a little bit nostalgic because that was pretty awesome.
You’d think that preschool days would be my favourite, but they actually aren’t. Riley loves it and I think it’s good practice for starting school and she’s making friends and they do all kinds of creative things that I would never get around to. But I don’t love those days. My favourite days are when we are all home together and I’m not working, or at least I get it out of the way nice and early. And we can just be. Sometimes I sit in the sun and they play outside. Sometimes we cook in the kitchen. Or sometimes they do their own thing while I potter about.
But I don’t feel like it’s holding me back from something I want to do. And I find that surprising. I suppose it’s best not to ask myself too many questions about that. I get asked enough questions as it is.
I feel exactly the same way. I never, ever, in a million years thought I’d be here doing this stay-at-home caper – but I love it. Although, I think it does make a difference that we have our writing and a few things on the side; I’d probably love it a little less without something to distract myself every so often!
Before I had children I liked small children but I did not like babies at all.When I was pregnant with my first child I strenuously avoided ALL babies as the smell of their vomitty little bodies made me feel ill and I couldn’t find anything remotely pleasant about these bald smelly little creatures. My Mother was quite worried.
Once I held Veronica in my arms I was totally smitten and knew that this is what I had been born to do. I thoroughly enjoyed being a Mum and took my job very very seriously. The term, “attachment parenting” hadn’t been invented 25 years ago but that is how I parented, I breastfed until both children were 3, we co-slept we fingerpainted on the floor in the kitchen and I learned that shutting a door on a messy room was a very effective housework technique.
There were times when I would silently scream in frustration as I tried to shake a toddler off my leg in order to go to the toilet by myself. But I actually enjoyed mothering my children and was rather good at it.
Of course all that forced housework did scar me mentally and so now that my baby is nearly 18 and doesn’t eat his dinner off the kitchen floor anymore I have developed a phobia about housework and have thrown the mop away and I haven’t vacuumed since mid 2009.
xx
Great post! I can completely relate. I was always very into academics, and I loved working, and I figured that staying home with a baby would be completely mind-numbing. I expected that I would go stir-crazy and go back to work early. As it turns out, I LOVE staying home with my baby. It’s true that at times it IS mind-numbingly boring, but it is also challenging in ways that school and work could never be. Plus, I am the happiest I’ve ever been. Just discovered your blog. Your photography is gorgeous!
I envy you.I wish I could just enjoy it and some days I feel terribly guilty that I feel *there is more than this*.
I had Dex and Lola young and I didn’t really do anything before I had them.
They are a wonderful, beautiful legacy, no doubt the most amazing thing I will ever create, but I know I am meant to do something else too.
It makes me feel good that you think what I wrote is awesome.
Thank you
Morning Zoey, I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately as I’m due to go back to work in about 5 weeks and I have 2 very little ones. I think before the age of social media, staying at home was a very isolated and probably lonely at times occupation, but now that you can blog and engage with such great people, tweet and get an instant response, being at home doesn’t mean you’re without adult company or conversation all day.
I’m just about to finish my Masters (this week) which I started before my 2 were born and I’m glad I did it. It gave me that one night out the house and really push me intellectually. I have to say that I would however be happy to stay at home these days with the kids as it’s taken on a whole new dimension as they get older and more engaging…challenging as well… but definitely engaging.
You can work from home. blog from home, consult independently and still look after your family. I would never in a million years have thought that staying home would be an option I would welcome, but now that I’ve connected with such an amazing community of funny, smart, focused, engaging and inspiring women…. it will be as if I’m missing out when I return to work! and for that I will be sad.
I can relate to this because I felt the same when I returned to work after 14 months off. That was 8 weeks ago. It was during these 14 months I found social media too. Sadly, I’ve been around so much less since now I’m back at work but something has to give and I knew that if I had to work, my family had to fill the time out of work, not social media. Still trying to squeeze it in here and there.
Love, love, love being a stay at home mum. Don’t feel the need to do anything much after every one is at school but continue being a stay at home mum. Husband is fully on board (though would be fine with me going back to work if I wanted to).
I get asked all the time when I’m going back to work. I don’t want to, my husband doesn’t want me to, we’re very blessed that financially I don’t need to – so why do I get asked all the time like its expected?
Why is it so bad that I do stay home?
I think it’s great that you love it and can see how great it is. I was the exact opposite – thought I’d love it and not go back to work, but after 12 months I couldn’t handle it. The first 18 months was really hard on me, and of course now I work 5 days a week, work is the last thing I want to do! I’d much rather be home with Mr 4, than going to work so often. I’m sure there’s a happy medium somewhere. But I love that you are enjoying this time, and appreciating it, because they do grow up too quickly and the only thing we’d ever regret is not spending more time with them, not spending too MUCH time with them!So many people think the grass is greener and want what they don’t have. It’s great to want what you have!
Before I had children, I liked the idea of children and being a stay-at-home mum. Then I had children and hated it. Then I went back to work and I hated that too, but that had more to do with the job than the work outside the home bit. I actually enjoyed having my own space.
The best solution for me had been working part time out of the home and now that they’re both at school, I enjoy working from home. I also enjoy being able to drop them off and pick them up from school, because they know I’m always there.
Sometimes your expectations of motherhood and your relationship with it are nothing like the reality.
Nod, nod, nod. I agree with every word. Pre-bub, I couldn’t see how I’d last six months at home with her. Two years on, I can’t imagine putting her in care to go to work. Just can’t imagine it.
I am most content when I am at home, although I do miss midwifery more than I like to let on, when I was at work ( which I loved for many different reasons) I always felt awfully torn and guilty because I wasn’t there for the kids. Oh the guilt. The pressure to work is great. People ask me what I do with my time when all of the kids are at school (which is quite rare, with Ivy being a sicky kid, by the way) and to tell you the truth, sometimes I wonder too but I like to be there when they all get home. I like to cook dinners. I don’t like to clean but two out of three isn’t bad, right? Right. Ultimately if you’re happy, whatever you choose, whichever way your heart pulls you, shouldn’t that be the most important thing.I’ve been a mum for a lot of years now. I’ve worked full time, part time, casually and not at all during that time. I’ve started my own business for flexibility and from all of that, from all of those years as a Mum, working or not, I think happiness wins out over everything else. If I’m not happy then I can’t function properly, wherever I am.
I think that working from home and being a sahm are two different things. When I was a sahm I had nothing to give me the sense of accomplishment that my mind craved. I know everyone is different, but for me, I really need the work to make the home part balance out. I’ve done it all, work from home for someone else, sah ft, work from home for myself and work outside the home both part- and full-time. I love the flexibility of my current role of working for myself. It really is the ultimate juggling act but also gives both me and my family what we need.
Love this post. Reminds me that there certainly is much to enjoy in staying at home with the little ones, beyond the cleaning and bum changing that is.
I love school so I’ll probably take some classes again once Alexa’s in preschool this fall. That said, I do enjoy being home. I like being here. I like making lunches and singing nap-time songs. I like reading books with Alexa and napping with Emma. I do crave intellectual stimulation, and I think that’s why I blog. It keeps my brain working and the friends I’ve made keep me company when I’m trapped on the couch under a sleeping baby