Yep. Technically I’m on a bloggy break. But I get to break my own rules. Because I am the Queen of Everything on my blog. That’s why I LOVE my blog.
I was ludicrously nervous and insanely excited to be speaking on the panel about finding your voice. It was so much fun. AllConsuming was the business as the moderator. THE BUSINESS. But in a short amount of time, you don’t always say everything you want to say. Or if you do, sometimes things simmer away for a little while afterwards and it keeps you up at night. Prodding you. THAT’S what you should have said, it says.
One of the questions that Kim asked me specifically as someone who writes about often controversial parenting issues is how I handle differing opinions. At the time I talked about being certain of what I was doing for my family. And that’s true. But it is only half the story. I think the other part of it is that when I present an opinion I have a goal in mind. And that goal is not to have people agree with me or tell me I’m right. My goal is that people listen and understand. And when I’m responding to conflicting opinions that is also my goal. I don’t aim to convert people to my way of thinking. But I’ll still passionately debate anyway, because that’s my thing.
I also talked about how when you hover over the publish button and you hesitate it means you should probably publish. Lady Melbourne vehemently disagreed with that and said you shouldn’t publish. I think both approaches have their place. On the one hand I am reserved in what I publish because I want my words to be able to stand on their own even when I’m not there to explain them. And I’m hyper aware of what my children will read or what other people will search for. But I think when you have that moment of hesitation I think it means something. I think it means you are about to take a risk. And I think that risk is worth it. Most of the time the risk is worth it. Because more often than not the hesitation isn’t because you are about to divulge something that shouldn’t be published or that would be insensitive to our family’s privacy. That hesitation is about revealing a truth about yourself. And if you tell that truth then you know who you are. And what is revealed is your voice. And it is worth it.
As an openly opinionated person, not everyone likes me. But the fact is that not everyone is going to like me regardless of what opinons I have, so I might as well be myself. In my real life as well as my online life if I’m expressing an opinion, especially a controversial one I think about whether it is useful or not. If I think it’s useful then I’ll probably say it. And I’ll probably say it in a passionate way. That’s who I am.
And it may surprise you to find out where being yourself will take you. One day you might find yourself up on a stage in between two blogging icons. And you will be surprised to find that you aren’t melting into the wallpaper. You are just being yourself. Because once you find your voice, that bitch is hard to shake loose.
xx
Thanks for sharing this.I didnt get to attend Blogopolis and its been nice to read the recaps, but this is beyond that, sharing insight and advice from a very different perspective.
Thanks for keeping it real.
xx
I would have to agree.
I have so much respect for you Zoey for pushing publish, using your own voice and standing tall and dignified in the face of whatever comes from it. Tatum xx
I agreed with you about hesitating means you’re on to something. Those are the posts that are usually really popular for me.I think maybe in the personal or mummy blogging categories that it works. It’s a baring of one’s soul, which connects with others souls. In the other categories it may not work like that because their blogs aren’t as personal in that way? I don’t think I’m articulating it right, but I know you will get what I am meaning to say. It’s not saying those blogs are bad or less or anything like that, just that different things work on different blogs.
That is such a good lesson for everyone Zoey.Not everyone is going to like us regardless of what opinions we have so we might as well be ourselves.
Forget the game playing and bring on the say it how we see and feel it.There will be those who disagree one way or another anyway.
If more people were themselves the world would be a far better place and so much easier and more pleasant to navigate.xx.
Yes! To the hesitation, that is exactly what I feel and exactly why I feel it.
You are indeed the bom-diggety and if things were different I’d have gone just to hear you speak. Xox
Yes. I am nodding (or I was, now I am typing) I do not want to convert people to my way of thinking, I want people to understand my perspective, to understand and to think about my point of view and to consider the possible merits of my perspective even as they continue on discussing and promoting their own.At the end of the day I don’t really care enough about what people do, to bother to try and change their minds. But on the other hand I do care deeply if their decisions impact on me. I care deeply about hidden agendas and I care deeply about the decisions that our politicians make on my behalf.
And because I care about corporate power leeching into my daily life via the food that is available in the supermarket or the news that is offered to me on commercial television, I will stand up and point out where I think we are being led astray.
I agree! The line can get really blurry! Even a photography blog can be intensely personal because there is so much of the photographer in every shot even if it’s not written down or written about.
I truly believe if you just keep writing and write things that make you happy, your voice will find you. And not fitting into a neat little box is not a bad thing. It’s kind of a great thing.
I am a fan of hesitating and hitting publish anyway. Who are we afraid of? If we are second guessing ourselves and our readers, can we still write with our own voice? I totally agree with you.
Yes. Sometimes hitting publish is so very hard, but I think it’s important to say the things I want to say, in the way I want to say them. Does it always make me popular? No – but then my aim isn’t to be the popular girl, my aim is to be respected for being myself and telling the truth.
Great tips! Love that your passionate about voicing your opinion when you feel you should
I have to admit…my blog is hardly about world peace. I blog more about ten ways to wear one’s sequin skirt or fifteen ways to use cauliflower to high carb foods, so controversy isn’t something that I touch on at all.
Sometimes, I feel like I am being a fraud. In ‘real’ life, I am highly opinionated about politics, the media and many other things. My life doesn’t completely revolve around sequins, diets and what colour car we’re going to buy. But, to be honest, I don’t quite know how to add these sides of me into my blog. In that respect, I kind of get where Lady Melbourne is coming from. Sometimes stuff like this just isn’t part of the space one has created for themselves in the blogosphere.
I think your blog is fantastic. I love that you’re opinionated. I guess I am just not convinced that people keeping parts of themselves out of that space is them not ‘being themselves’. I.e. I have no conclusions on this subject and this comment is ‘moot point’ defined, haha.
Hi Hannah!
I totally understood where Lady Melbourne was coming from! She had some great points! Some niches aren’t about the personal and so it is definitely not required. I could easily write a craft or food or assorted other blog, be myself and not reveal anything about my personal life.
But as a personal blogger I think that expressing an opinion is part of it. Not controversy for controversy sake. I certainly don’t set out to be controversial or talk about hot button issues. But I do think that in the course of being honest with myself and readers that just happens because of the type of blog I write. I certainly keep some things out of the blog space and it would be false to think that people reveal everything because they reveal some things.
It is interesting that Dooce is considered to be one if the most confessional bloggers out there but if you read her she actually reveals nothing about her personal life. It’s all in the feeling she gives to her readers I think.
I just reread my comment and realised it could have sounded critical when it wasn’t meant to…it was more of a stream of consciousness because I have been thinking about the subject a lot lately and feel so hot/cold about it all! I think it is hard for some of us to work out whether we’re lifestyle bloggers or personal bloggers. I write about food, diets, fashion, what I wore, the shit I did last weekend…but am I a personal blogger? I don’t know and I know that’s been leaving me questioning the publish button a bit lately…
What a great panel, and an awesome power at the podium. I loved the points of difference between all the speakers, that’s what keeps things interesting.I was intimidated by meeting you. I enjoy reading your blog, and your strong voice, but it kind of scares me when I’m faced with that in person. Of course, nothing is ever as scary as you think it’s going to be (except maybe an axe murderer), and I really enjoyed have a chat with you at the NNB2012 after party.
I am often prone to hovering over publish and thinking oh “f-it” I will publish. Worst case you can always revert to draft afterwards. Personally I also love respectful debate, but it does depend on the whole premise of your blog too. As someone who writes quite personal stuff, which has sometimes gotten me into trouble, I have recently learned the hard way that some things are best left unsaid in public so a fine line….
Hi Zoey. Great to meet you in the design session last weekend at Blogopolis. I have enjoyed reading you follow up to the panel session you were part of. As this was my first blogging conference I was really interested to listen and observe the different styles of blogging in the panel … both in terms of niche, points of views and what made people tick. One of the key things I took away was how important it is for any blogger to be really clear about their values in blogging and be clear why they do (or do not) do certain things on their blog. There will always be differences and that is what makes blogging so great.Thank you for sharing so openly where you come from as a blogger.
Hi Zoey, thanks for the great post. It was great listening to you at the conference. I particularly love this from you post “That hesitation is about revealing a truth about yourself. And if you tell that truth then you know who you are. And what is revealed is your voice. And it is worth it.” My blog is very personal and yes, I spew personal stuff, but it works for me and the reveal is what is making me stronger and healthier. And if truth be told, I am not only finding my voice but really starting to like it to
. Thanks Tracyx
Hi Zoey, It struck me at Blogopolis that those of you who blog about your lives with your kids have it way harder than those of us know don’t – because people feel they can judge mothers more viciously than they can judge a regular human being. Still, this space is for women, mothers, people to get together and learn how others get through life, to get inspired, and to figure out what their own style is. So I guess I just wanted to say thanks for your presentation, and setting the example that there’s no single box to fit yourself into in this here interweb.Cheers! Catherine @ The Spring (in Sydney)http://www.thespringblog.com/