1. Babies Never Settle into a Routine, Ever
As soon as you get used to one thing, they change it. And then they change it again.
2. Dirty Nappies are the Least of Your Concern
You may think that changing dirty nappy after dirty nappy is the worst part of having a newborn but really that barely even makes a dent – that’s the easy bit.
3. Teething Never Really Stops
It just has a nanna nap for brief periods of time. And then it’s more teething. And it’s a whole lot worse than any of the symptoms described in any book.
4. There is Nothing Natural About Breastfeeding
At least there wasn’t for me and it took persistence, professional support and a whole lot of luck for me to succeed at breastfeeding.
5. If You Had any Modesty, Childbirth Will Rid You Of It
Once you’ve had an internal examination, most other things pale in comparison.
6. You’ll Learn to Appreciate Showers Like Never Before
In part because you realise that they are more of a luxury than a necessity, but mostly because they become the only 5 minute slice of solitude that you can carve out in a 24 hour period.
7. Sleep When the Baby Sleeps Is Hit-and-Miss
For one thing at some point you have to eat. My diet consisted mainly of peanut butter on toast because I could consume the most amount of calories in the least amount of time. Often by the time you get through eating, having a shower, trying to get to sleep, not being able to get to sleep because you’re stressed about when the baby is going to wake up again, it’s too late because guess what? The baby is awake. Oh and another thing – cosleeping isn’t just for attachment parents. Everyone cosleeps at some stage.
8. You Get Used to Bumps and Bruises
The first time your baby bumps their head you may obsessively check them for signs of concussion, but after a while unless their bleeding, you barely notice. Seriously – it will happen THAT often.
9. The Lack of Sleep Isn’t What Is Exhausting
It’s having to be mentally on for as long as they are awake for. This calms down with time – but even so having to be aware of what they are doing all the time is exhausting. Once they’re a toddler and they are into EVERYTHING you wonder what you were ever worried about when they were a newborn blob and incapable of moving.
10. You Will Become One of THOSE Parents
You know the ones – they think their baby is the most beautiful creature on the planet (and be completely oblivious to your own bias) and become fascinated by every tiny little thing their little one does and bore 90% of the people they talk to with it. I admit it – I am guilty, guilty, guilty. You’ll see what I mean if you look back over photos of your toddler when they were a newborn and realise that although they are unbelievably cute they aren’t nearly as adorable as you remember them being.